On Sunday I mentioned I started a Nutrition Plan that sees me eating much, much more- both in terms of frequency and amount of food at each meal. I’ve actually had pretty much zilch cravings and emotional eating issues since starting which is a great thing. I’m continuing eating clean and healthy as I was, the only thing that’s really change is how much food.

Which is probably why this plan isn’t too much of an issue with my history of disordered eating. Apart from the fact that I’ve had a few crumby thoughts.

It’s not easy when you’re still very occupied with healthy eating and how much you’re eating, and what people think of you, your body and yada yada yada. Long story short: It ain’t easy. But I think in the long run it will be worth it, when my body thanks me and uses all the fuel to build lean muscle and transform my body into machine.

Anywhere here’s a big pool of all my good and bad thoughts on the nutritional plan (This may be triggering to some, so read with caution).

I will never be hungry again..

Oh wait, here we go I’m hungry again.

How can I be hungry after eating all that?

Oh god, am I being a heffer/being greedy?

What will people think when I eat this much food?

This is surely going to turn into fat.

I love feeling satisfied after every meal that there’s no cravings and no need to emotionally eat.

I feel huge.

Why do I have to eat when others don’t nearly eat as much?

Surely I don’t really need this much food.

Yay I get lots of carbs.

In terms of me, I don’t feel guilty eating this food really- I feel as if Tara has given me permission or approved it and that makes it alright. (Isn’t it sad that I think that way).

I am never going to stop being hungry.

Bulking bro.

Is she sabotaging me?

Yay banana + pb again!

I will start laying eggs soon.

Protein Powder + water = vom (slowly getting better!)

Shit! I’m eating organic FULL FAT butter Oh My God. Ha.

Early morning classes are so much easier when I have something in me, and my body is recovering from everything better too!

Okay so some thoughts are not so healthy, but I think the fact that I’m recognising this is okay. I guess it’s just I feel like I’m not being healthy anymore since I eat so much and I honestly feel like none of my clothes fit.

However, I also trust Tara and I know that in the long run it will be worth it. I know that I exercise a lot but I guess I just didn’t realise how much fuel my body needed to keep up.

For now, we wait.

• What thoughts arise when you start eating more?