Okay, so you guys rock you know that. My totally blase post about stepping on the scale to weigh myself and totally NOT loving it was probably more dramatic and alarming then it needed to be. Even if that’s the case, your comments are have a special place in my heart (as they usually do!).
But I was in that headspace.
I haven’t weighed myself in say…two years at least. And I had tremendous anxiety around the scale and finding out ‘that’ number. Ever since I started bingeing after my severe restricting ED I would not weigh myself, I even had a panic attack at the doctors (lots of tears) when he suggested weighing myself. My GP unlike my psychologist didn’t know the extent of my issues nor do I really want him to (he seems cold and unsympathetic and wouldn’t get it- unlike my psychologist who was amazing).
Yesterday, I think I weighed myself as a punishment. Mentally and physically I was exhausted yesterday after having done WAYWAYWAY too many hours of exercise and classes (teaching them), combined with not enough sleep and too many early mornings. For the first time in a long time I resorted to food to help me. It wasn’t pretty and then suddenly I found myself on the scale vowing to lose weight.
Where am I now? Ahhh not quite as worked up but I still want to lose weight, and I want to take body fat measurements. It’s funny though that I woke up this morning and still feel good about my body (morning is typically the only time I really do). I mean how can I have a defined stomach and this strong body and weigh that? Goddamn you stupid numbers.
I won’t post my weight at this stage but ideally I’d like to lose 7 kilograms. Whether or not I do it and go ahead with it all… I don’t know (And whether or not I actually can is a different story- I
can’t won’t do anything drastic with my eating due to my ED past and I can’t exactly stop training as much as I do because it’s my job). I feel, in a way good, that I can now weigh myself, even though I find myself stepping on the scale regularly as novelty (I wouldn’t say this is a healthy thing either).
Anyways, I just wanted to give you a run down of the entire episode and where I’m at. I’m not terrible don’t get me wrong but I am wanting to take some actions that I’m not sure are going to be right or wrong for me.
- How often do you weigh yourself?