Okay, so for the past few days I’ve had some less than stellar thoughts about myself. I don’t know if ‘identity crisis’ is the right way to describe it but it’s all I can think of.
My dilemma- I’m struggling to deal with the fact that I have to choose between two ultimatums. To be slim or to lift and be strong.
Now this is not necessarily a one-or-the-other decision for many people. It’s going to be different based on body types, workouts, calorie intake etc. But for me it seems as I lift and get stronger, my muscles grow (duh) and clothes don’t fit ideally. I honestly feel like the only thing I really look good in at the moment is gym gear- and I only have so much of that! So what’s my first reaction? Oh S#$% I’ve gained weight and I’m fat and thus I feel bad about myself.
Typical Bek right? Ha.
But seriously, at the moment I’m struggling. But there are a few rational possibilities that also run through my head (and my ears thanks to the bf):
- Maybe I look great now and I’m blowing things (such as my thighs) out of proportion
- If I stick at this my body will continue to change and who knows, maybe with time my clothes will become baggy and I can have the best of both worlds.
I really hope it’s the second option- whilst my clothes still fit, some are not as flattering around certain parts of my body. But I’m eating healthier than ever, satisfying my body with enough fuel, lifting regularly and teaching a whole heap of cardio classes. It just doesn’t make sense.
I know realistically it’s most probably not fat but muscle and whilst that’s great I’m not sure that’s what I want. Well it’s not ALL I want. I want to have muscle, a great shape, being able to eat plenty, lift heavy and be strong; but I also want to be tight, slim and a size where all my clothes fit great. Maybe I’m striving for something unattainable? I mean I’d love to have a body that’s even a half of the standard of a fitness model- I mean they lift heavy and are fit- but they’re also wearing small sizes and looking fab.
I don’t feel fab. Wah. Do we really have to choose one or the other? Well wait, do I really have to choose one or the other, because truth be told some woman can have both. But I guess my body shape or genetics says otherwise, or I’m just being impatient (but really I’ve been lifting for a year now! I think? Okay not quite)
Don’t mind my rant haha and don’t take it as anything too serious. It’s just one of those thoughts we get every now and again ya know? But what about you:
- Given the choice (honestly) would you choose a tight, slim and fit figure or would you choose to lift heavy and be strong.
- Do I really have to choose one or the other?