But anyways, how are you? I totally just had a revelation whilst typing that- grapes and almonds, whilst delicious on their own are awesome when eaten together. Talk about a great combo!
Except my grapes were green
I’m still easing into this whole uni thing and you can probably tell from my last two posts that my anxiety is up again. I was lucky enough to have a therapist appointment today so I was able to talk over stuff.
I also have a little feat to share. Let me set the scene:
At work, alone, no one to watch you.
Nothing else to do.
Anxiety levels up.
Surrounded by fun size chocolates (6-8 varieties), chips and other sugar/fat laden products.
A bingers dream right, or depending on how you see it- nightmare.
That was me last night. My anxiety hasn’t been that bad in ages but I guess with everything going on it just crept up on me.
And I had that urge. The urge to binge. If you have an eating disorder or BED, or if you’ve ever binged, you’ll get what I’m talking about. It’s not just a ‘oh hay let’s eat some dessert’ or ‘woops I ate two pieces of cake’. It’s something like ‘oh my god must eat everything in sight to deal with this anxious and nasty feelings I’ve got. Food will make me feel better. I need this’.
It’s one of the hardest things I have to deal with at this moment. And here’s what happened:
I became frantic- I walked back and forth, jittered, my breathing increased and I was thinking at a million miles an hour.
I texted Simon to tell him what was happening.
I distracted myself by stocking the drinks fridge (only to be confronted with the chocolates more and more).
I reminded myself how I’d feel after.
I chewed gum- like many, many pieces.
I did everything I could to not eat a chocolate (not a restriction thing, but I know that in that state one would cause a downfall into 839018309)
I ate one small Allens snake and strangely stopped (pack was already open thanks to dad- it was his leftover).
I DIDN’T binge.
Now, this hasn’t happened many times for me- but it has come up once before on the blog. Don’t get me wrong that doesn’t meant I use to binge 24/7. Either I wouldn’t get that feeling, or I would and I’d usually end up bingeing.
Trust me when I say it’s easier to just never get that binge feeling than it is to get it and beat it.
Funnily enough I don’t feel overly proud- although I am in some way, nor do I feel particularly nervous or anxious that the feeling will come again. I sort of feel indifferent you know.
Like so what, I had the feeling and I got over it. <— And it’s that sort of thing that makes me smile. That makes me realise I’m so much more proactive than I once was, I have improved so much- even when it feels like I’m taking a backwards step.
Anyways, while we’re on the topic here’s some things I find help me get past that feeling.
For me it’s better to not have started at all then to start and stop- that is another battle in itself.
- Chew gum- not just one piece like 6 at a time. Talk about a sore jaw.
- Walk around.
- Distract myself.
- Think about the consequences.
- Have an internal debate with yourself.
- Do not start.
- Have a compromise- don’t binge but rather have your own version of a ‘creation‘. [A creation for me is a combination of flavours and textures I love, a mixture of good for you food and just plain old taste good food. It's something I don't feel guilty about and isn't a crazy sugar rush either- which would have me wanting more more more. Usually it involves chobani 0%, wholegrain oats, cut up fruit (apple, grapes, etc), some form of dark choc (cut and sprinkled throughout), a couple of dates chopped maybe. If I'm feeling particularly snacky I might crush a biscuit up also or incorporate something not so great for you that I've really been wanting but been putting off because I know I'm too greedy for one. Maybe even some cereal too].
My therapist also suggested:
- Doing my breathing techniques.
- Listening to relaxing music.
- Having an ‘In case of emergency’.
The first two are a bit meh for me. In the moment that’s literally the last thing I’ll do, but I don’t doubt it’d help. The In Case of Emergency treat is an awesome idea. It’s basically as he puts it ‘a mobile, take-with-you version of a creation’. Obviously at work or out and about you don’t have all the ingredients on hand for a creation of your fave things. But by having a back up or in case of emergency snack (can be a protein bar, choc bar, or something like a creation- a mixture of good and not so good for you elements) that will satisfy those binge cravings.
I’m on the lookout now for a In Case of Emergency item and I’m thinking of doing a homemade lara bar type thing or maybe getting a decent protein bar or raw food bar.
- Have you got any In Case of Emergency suggestions?
- How do you beat that binge feeling?
Daily Healthy Thought: I won’t let it continue to change me.