Stuck In Limbo

Good morning! Welcome to Tuesday.

I guess I owe you all an explanation for yesterday..

Trust be told this is how it went down. Probably not for the right reasons (not weight loss but for vanity reasons) I’ve been dabbling with the idea of giving up grains. I was also genuinely interested in how my body would react.

I guess it was too much too soon because negative thoughts took over my body and I started to get anxious as I battled with what would replace my toast, how will I do this etc. And then came lunch time and I didn’t want to eat lunch. So instead I snacked hard, not binged, but just ate too much food my body doesn’t like, with a terrible mentality.

Was it my subconscious rebelling? Not wanting a piece of any kind of restrictive eating? Too much too soon?

I honestly don’t know.

It’s hard you know.. recovering. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo. A space between full recovery and absolutely free, at-peace eating, and ED restriction and rules.

I need to shake it off.

I still struggle with eating the same things for meals for certain days- although I am actually making progress here with my Saturday lunch last week and breakfasts!

I still struggle to enjoy indulgent foods. In a creation it’s fine. However, other times (although not always) I still struggle with worrying about the consequences of that taste, whether they be a case of bingeing, weight gain or judgement of another person. But that’s something that hopefully is improving and will take time.

My biggest problem, eating enough and eating at certain times. I probably eat enough with my snacking of almonds (etc) here and there etc (because I wind up to be so hungry) but it’s the fact that these have to be non-recognised snacks as I’m in the kitchen. It’s like I don’t give myself permission to eat what my body needs.

Eating at certain times is really tough for me. Post-workout is when the eating timing begins. I have this obsessive urge to eat as late as possible. It’s like I feel that I’ll eat less if I do, when often I know the opposite is often true. I don’t know how to change it and I’m not sure I want to.

My first snack after gym is my toast with nut butters and sliced banana. I don’t normally eat this till 12:30-1. Lunch is around 2:30 or after. Then I usually have another snack before dinner and dinner is 7:30 or so.

Don’t get me wrong I get a lot of eating done in a small amount of time. I guess my bodies pretty hungry from me ‘putting off’ the eating. But I’m absolutely terrified to space it out- what if I get hungry and need to eat again? Well, eat again. What if I consume more calories because of it? Who cares. What if I make a poor eating choice because I’m not use to eating at this extra time. (Like the split personality? ha!).

Anyways, that’s me at the moment (not very in-depth). Majority of the time I’m happy as larry, feeling great and I know the progress I have made is amazing but I need to keep the momentum going.

No one said it was going to be easy, but the best things never are right?

  • Advice?
  • How are you doing at the moment? Anything I can help you with?
  • Does this sound familiar?

Daily Healthy Thought: I can do this.

14 comments

  1. Michelle says:

    Hey Bek

    Thanks for sharing where you’re at. Hang in there during this time of figuring out what your body needs, it will take time and setbacks, but eventually you will get there and hopefully be able to eat, feel great about the fuel you’ve given your body and move on with your day. You WILL get there. The only way out is through, as you’re right in the middle right now – which means you’ve moved on from a bad place you were in. Now you’re just working your way through, with challenges no doubt, but with a better and healthier destination in your future :)

    X Michelle

  2. I say, why give up grains if your body can handle them? After all, look at nature and what other mammals eat – meat, grains, fruit and veggies – it’s natural!

    As someone who has far too many food intolerances and has to suffer with limited food choices – I say eat whatever you love and your needs – and eat whenever you feel you need to.

    After all, what makes the clock right? Rely on what your body tells you :)

    Keep your chin up hun!
    Kristy @ Southern In Law recently posted…Your Opinion: TVs in the BedroomMy Profile

    • BekatCrave says:

      I’ve never thought of it like that! This is why I have this blog, for people like you to enlighten me :) Hmm, I don’t know when I look p going grain free, Paleo is a frequent lifestyle that keeps coming up and it says ‘back in the day’ we didn’t eat grains and our bodies aren’t suppose to. Hmm who knows.

      Aw, thank you so much Kirsty! You incredible human being :) Means a lot. I will try, that’s for sure.

    • I feel the same as Kristy. I have many girlfriends who’ve given up wheat/grains, ‘just because’. I have gone through this myself in the past when I have felt the need to shed a couple of kgs, but since I don’t have a gluten allergy or intolerance, I quickly found it was not a good choice for me. My digestive system seems to appreciate whole grains, and so does my mood!!! :)
      I think your body knows exactly what it needs to keep its energy up and feeling its best. Sometimes figuring out those specific needs is more of a journey than people think. Hang in there- with patience, time, and acceptance, you’ll figure it out ;)

      • BekatCrave says:

        Haha! Yes, my mood and energy levels (not to mention mental state) enjoy the wholegrains haha.
        Aw thanks hun :) Hope you’re enjoying the cooler weather with the bub x

  3. [...] guys- do you know how amazing you are? Seriously, you know how to get a girl out of a not-so healthy frame of mind. A big hug and thank you to a few in particular that took the time to reach out to me- your [...]

  4. Madi says:

    This definitely sound familiar. I used to not eat breakfast in order to feel “empty” for the majority of the day. I know this is not what you are trying to achieve, but maybe as an experiment try two weeks of eating right when you wake up, even if it’s just a banana, to see how your body responds. If you feel very hungry after, well that means your bod needs more food! And that’s ok. You know what you gotta do girl, just listen to your own advice. You are pretty wise you know!

    • BekatCrave says:

      I eat breakfast everyday lovey haha :) I’m just trying to not have toast with brekky to see how it affects my body and workouts.
      Haha okies :) Ohhh shusshh :P

      • Madi says:

        oh thank heavens! a girl who eats breakfast is after my own heart ;) best meal of the day! I’m actually trying to cut out some of the processed grains too! so now I see what you mean! great minds think alike and all :)

        • BekatCrave says:

          Haha! Yup, actually I know more people that DO eat breakfast than DON’T lately. And often the people who don’t aren’t the healthiest..
          Hehe, yeh I’ve totally given up on that thought because it started creating guilt when I DID eat them. My therapist is SO against it too. Oh well, wholegrain bread you’re back in my life woo! What was I thinking anyways (silly Bek).

  5. Even though I am a recent convert to Paleo, I would absolutely not recommend giving up grains unless your body responds negatively to them. Too many people try these fads for vanity reasons, which goes against why these movements were discovered in the first place. I wish I could process grains better but my body sucks! I never allow any of my clients to cut any food group, unless they are fully recovered – the fact that you were struggling with thoughts is enough proof that you shouldn’t be cutting anything out. Keep up the great work and stay strong!
    Tara @ Sweat like a Pig recently posted…Push up progressionsMy Profile

  6. [...] during my little slip up at attempting a grain free diet I found plenty of websites and blogs advocating against eating [...]

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