Good morning! Welcome to Tuesday.
I guess I owe you all an explanation for yesterday..
Trust be told this is how it went down. Probably not for the right reasons (not weight loss but for vanity reasons) I’ve been dabbling with the idea of giving up grains. I was also genuinely interested in how my body would react.
I guess it was too much too soon because negative thoughts took over my body and I started to get anxious as I battled with what would replace my toast, how will I do this etc. And then came lunch time and I didn’t want to eat lunch. So instead I snacked hard, not binged, but just ate too much food my body doesn’t like, with a terrible mentality.
Was it my subconscious rebelling? Not wanting a piece of any kind of restrictive eating? Too much too soon?
I honestly don’t know.
It’s hard you know.. recovering. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo. A space between full recovery and absolutely free, at-peace eating, and ED restriction and rules.
I need to shake it off.
I still struggle with eating the same things for meals for certain days- although I am actually making progress here with my Saturday lunch last week and breakfasts!
I still struggle to enjoy indulgent foods. In a creation it’s fine. However, other times (although not always) I still struggle with worrying about the consequences of that taste, whether they be a case of bingeing, weight gain or judgement of another person. But that’s something that hopefully is improving and will take time.
My biggest problem, eating enough and eating at certain times. I probably eat enough with my snacking of almonds (etc) here and there etc (because I wind up to be so hungry) but it’s the fact that these have to be non-recognised snacks as I’m in the kitchen. It’s like I don’t give myself permission to eat what my body needs.
Eating at certain times is really tough for me. Post-workout is when the eating timing begins. I have this obsessive urge to eat as late as possible. It’s like I feel that I’ll eat less if I do, when often I know the opposite is often true. I don’t know how to change it and I’m not sure I want to.
My first snack after gym is my toast with nut butters and sliced banana. I don’t normally eat this till 12:30-1. Lunch is around 2:30 or after. Then I usually have another snack before dinner and dinner is 7:30 or so.
Don’t get me wrong I get a lot of eating done in a small amount of time. I guess my bodies pretty hungry from me ‘putting off’ the eating. But I’m absolutely terrified to space it out- what if I get hungry and need to eat again? Well, eat again. What if I consume more calories because of it? Who cares. What if I make a poor eating choice because I’m not use to eating at this extra time. (Like the split personality? ha!).
Anyways, that’s me at the moment (not very in-depth). Majority of the time I’m happy as larry, feeling great and I know the progress I have made is amazing but I need to keep the momentum going.
No one said it was going to be easy, but the best things never are right?
- How are you doing at the moment? Anything I can help you with?
- Does this sound familiar?
Daily Healthy Thought: I can do this.