Happy Monday Morning to everyone! For those of us in Australian, enjoy your Australia Day public holiday. For everyone else, I hope Monday isn’t too much of a downer. Just think 5 more days till the weekend.
Ever since writing my food fears and working through my avoidance behaviours with my therapist I’ve done things I thought would totally rock my world (not in the good way). It may seem silly to you but spreading my nut butters on my toast differently or having a different breakfast is something that in the past would cause me grave anxiety, and today would still make me a bit antsy.
[While I have one (probably the biggest) hurdle in regards to food that I want to deal with asap, I still need some guidance from the therapist to work through it (and yes I'll blog about it as another way of help). But I'm ready to tackle it. I need to tackle it.]
Anyways, one of my food fears is,
I am sometimes frightened to eat more indulgent foods (especially sweets) in fear that I’ll get out of control.
Obviously, I’ve got a few body trust issues. (But hay I’m working on it.)
But I did want to go into this a little bit more, to help others who (at times) tend to be a little irrational and delusional when it comes to situations like this. Like I’ve said before, I am more than capable to acknowledge and understand the (often simplest) rational and straightforward answers, but thanks to a history of ED (and my perfectionist nature) I always doubt myself and overthink everything.
Like my don’t let one become many post I did a while back, this one has a similar ring to it- Does one mean many? And in food terms, Will one taste/bite/piece mean a binge?
Even though I’ve been binge free for longer at least 4 months now (not 100% sure lost count ha!) I still occasionally fear it. I don’t EVER want to go back there.
What I really fear? That the one piece of chocolate, cake, ice-cream or whatever will turn into an all out war on food, as I shove everything sugar, fat and carb-ridden into my mouth.
I guess that’s why my therapist has me eating one choc chip every night (Not because I have a restriction problem so much). In conjunction with battling the occasional food guilt (this small amount of ‘treat’ makes my guilty feelings feel ridiculous and insignificant) having the one choc chip also proves that I can eat one without eating the entire bag. However, if that’s what I choose to do then so be it- it is my responsibility.
There is an exception to this rule I think..
If you restrict or you’ve recently stopped restricting (yay for you! Talk to me if you need any help), this sensation may be overwhelming and you MAY overeat. But that’s okay, that’s something that will diminish with time- the more you come to peace with food.
Hopefully, the next time I get nervous or anxious about eating something indulgent I’ll make sure to remember this very rational (and obviously correct) post to smack the silly out of myself and realise that a taste doesn’t have to turn into a binge.
[And often I think we are the ones who encourage this binging behaviour by (a) worrying about it so much. Obsession increases the chances, (b) think 'oh well I've blown my diet (puh- that word rots my mouth!) might as well keep ruining it, and (c) restrict so to create the inevitable cycle.]
- Do you ever worry about this?
- Have you got words of wisdom for those of us who are this irrational?
Daily Healthy Thought: I am stronger and better than that! I should learn to NOT doubt myself.